Wednesday, November 6, 2013

A tangle of arms and legs...

So another mommy post. I might touch on just HOW ANNOYED I am that it looks like WA voted against labeling GMO's, but if I let myself really go there it would consist of mainly curses and just how ignorant Americans are willing to remain while we all get sicker and sicker because of our food system.

I digress.

I'll be in San Diego for basically the rest of the month of November and so this will be my last post for a while. I figured I'd end on a happy sappy note. Not something people are used to from me, but too bad. Here it is.

We were all snuggled in bed the other night, because YES WE STILL CO-SLEEP. DEAL WITH IT. Oh hey there I am.....

anyway, babygirl has this habit of trying to sneak back into my womb by any means possible. She reserves it mostly for bedtime and upon entering a new place for the first 10 minutes. Typically, as I'm all sorts of pregnant and sweaty, I try to push her off onto daddy, or let her know that the people in the room are not going to kidnap and eat her. However, on this particular night, I realized how much I'm going to miss these moments when she's no longer so willing to cuddle. When she no longer needs me for her warm up period before interacting with others. How I'm gonna miss the smell of her sweaty little bedhead, or how she randomly grins in her sleep. Or shouts out "DOG. WOOF" with her eyes still closed when the neighborhood dogs give their 3 am concert.

We recently moved her crib into our bedroom and removed the front portion of it to encourage her to sleep in her big girl bed. Which she used maybe once for about an hour. Daddy thought, and I kinda sorta agreed that before baby #2 makes an appearance she should get used to sleeping in her own bed, as having all 4 of us in bed might be a bit dangerous. Someone has a habit of punching and/or kicking us in the face while we sleep.

But, I'm not ready. Not to mention babygirl is definitely not ready- she still suffers from some pretty traumatic night terrors which are heartbreaking. I'm not ready to not wake up to her face on mine, breathing on me and ready to pounce. or not have her, inch by inch, make her way into my armpit in her sleep. I'm not ready to throw her baby-ness completely out simply to make way for the new baby.

And so, I've decided. I'm not gonna. Yeah yeah yeah there are a ton of differing opinions on this, but honestly, when have I ever really cared about anyone else's opinion? This child is so so excited to take her babies and nurse them, rock them, put them to bed, carry them around with her. I want her to hold onto that, and love on baby a ton. But. If I start stripping away all of her comforts, all of the things she's come to rely on to get her through the night, literally- I have a sneaking suspicion she's not gonna think that new baby is so cute. She's going to try to sell him. She's thrifty that way.

And I gotta be honest. The thought of all 4 of us snuggled up in bed? That sounds like heaven to me. Not when they're teenagers. Obviously. But now, when they're small and cuddly and their morning breath isn't bad and they still can't completely pronounce the 2nd syllable of any word....in the time that feels like an eternity during whiny time and an instant at the same time. While they're still my babies. I want a family bed. There I said it.

But what about you and your husband? How will you ever have sex?

People please. I'm pregnant. Clearly this has not been a challenge for us.

Do I think this is going to hinder her ability to ever sleep on her own?

Nope. When she's ready, she'll know that she's safe. and that nighttime isn't scary. If I decided to just go ahead and throw her in her own bed or own room now when she's not ready I think there's a much better chance that she'll never be ok with sleeping. And that's just a bummer cause sleep is awesome.

But your hubbs hates it, right?

No. Does he sometimes miss just cuddling with me at night? Of course. Would he trade in all the snuggles he gets at night, especially after working long hours and not getting to see her all day long? Not for anything. The sweetest sight is when I wake up and she's all nestled up in his armpit, both snoring away. Serious. Melt.

There is nothing like waking up in a tiny tangle of limbs and bedhead. It reminds me how blessed I am. And how granola I've become. It also reminds me that no matter how much she tries to imitate being a tiny little adult, she's still my baby at heart, and I'm gonna keep it that way for as long as I can. 


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